Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
