i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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