oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
