Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
