i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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