sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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