Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
