I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
