she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
