Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
