2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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