Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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