The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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