he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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