when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
