I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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