Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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