On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
