so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
