Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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