I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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