She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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