i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
