I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
