this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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