so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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