Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize