He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
