I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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