tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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