you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize