I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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