Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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