worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
