Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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