I'm drive I can fine osifer
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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