How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
