I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
