i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
