I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
