May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
