She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
