i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
