My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
