He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hippo gnu deer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
