So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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