So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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