I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
