Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize