I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
