i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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