I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
