i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
