erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
