so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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