I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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