I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
