I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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