I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
