I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
