I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
