An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
