So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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