At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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