If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
