Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
