We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
