Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
