I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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